Chapter 5 (pt 2)

It took a lot for her to not think of the incident herself without being overwhelmed with shame; so she didn't. Life was just easier that way.

No one knew if Michael was still alive; everybody was too scared to ask. The store remained closed for weeks before opening again, and even when they did, the Matthews had hired help; strangers not many were familiar with.

June Johnson went often to check on them, but no one answered the door. It were as if the whole family had vanished off the face of the earth.

Shanelle often wondered if the Matthews had lost their only son and couldn't face coming back to the neighborhood due to grief. She could understand that as well. A part of her hoped she never saw them again.

"Do you think they'll ever come back Nelle?" Jasmine asked one Saturday while the two were walking outside. Shrugging in response, Shanelle couldn't put enough words together to give her an answer.

"Well do you at least hope they'll come back?"

"Girl, we don't know if Michael is even alive right now," Shanelle responded, noting how Jasmine's face frowned. "Sides... We have stuff to focus on like school, and everything else."

"Why do you always run away from talking about what happened? I know you were there Shanelle, but you act like you weren't, and anybody with a heart would be more concerned about another human being than you are."

Shanelle instantly got defensive. "You got the biggest crush on Michael Jasmine; any dummy with eyes can see it, and that's why you can't keep him off your mind. It's not the first time someone got shot. If he alive, we'll know when we know."

Jasmine shook her head in disbelief. "Whatever. I'm still praying for him."

Giggling, Shanelle cut her eyes jokingly. "That's the only time you pray. When it's about him," she muttered.

Gasping, Jasmine placed an angry hand on her hip. "You don't believe I changed do you? I'll give it to you, yeah, before, I didn't really pray. But after that vision I had , I been praying like crazy!"

"I don't even believe you had a vision if I'm honest." Shanelle dug her fists into her pockets. She liked the feel of them because they were new. Vanessa bought them for her the other day.

"Sometimes it feels like that... But I ain't crazy! I know God exists. With you judging me, do you even pray?" Jasmine pulled at a hang nail, leaning on the gate.

Shanelle paused for a second, thinking. "I do. I talk to God a lot."

Jasmine went silent, unsure of a rebuttal.

Shanelle did pray; often for Mila, Honey, and her mother. Sometimes she didn't exactly know what to say, so she spoke what she felt and hoped for the best.

"And what does He say back?" Jasmine asked, peering back slyly at Shanelle.

"Shut up", Shanelle respond, rolling her eyes. The two started laughing.

Relieved to have the topic of Michael behind them, although it was only a matter of time before it came back up again, she took a deep breath.

---

"I wonder how Ma's doin'." Shanelle said, peering up at a single bird flying in the sky.

Jasmine shook her head vigorously. "Nope. Nah girl. Don't get any ideas. We are not going by the house."

"What do you mean? I ain't even say anything like that..." Shanelle threw up her hands. "But.... What if maybe... I don't know." Shanelle straightened, tilting her head to one side.

Jasmine rolled her eyes. "But what?"

"She's my mama Jas. I know y'all say I'm not supposed to go by, but why? No one is sayin anything about why. "

Heaving a weighted sigh, Jasmine shook her head throwing her own hands up, seemingly clueless.

"You mean to tell me if it was you, you wouldn't want to go check on Mrs. Vanessa? Just to see?" Shanelle asked. She sorely missed Mila and Honey and stayed concerned, afraid they lay forgotten somewhere, or hidden deep in a closet.

"That's different though Nelle, my mom is different than yours.... she wouldn't have done the same-... Well she wouldn't have..."

Shanelle turned abruptly, facing Jasmine.

"Your mama wouldn't what?" She asked testily.

"Never mind."

"Let yo daddy beat on her?" Getting close to Jasmine's face, she glared. "Steal? Do drugs? You don't have to tell me: I know."

"Nelle I didn't say it like that. Plus your mama isn't home anyway even if you wanted to go see her..."

Shanelle's head popped up in alarm. "What you mean she ain't home? You saw her?" Shanelle noted how Jasmine said Mama with a twinge. Something within her tugged at it. Pushing it aside, she waited, anger slowly rising.

A veil was carefully drawn over Jasmine's expression. "Shanelle if you can't see her right now or go by the house, it's only common sense that she's probably out of town..."

Folding her arms, Shanelle stared squarely at Jasmine. Whatever it was she knew, she was lying horribly to cover it up.

"What happened to my Mama? Where is she? For real Jas, if you know somethin tell me."

"I don't know anything!" Jasmine insisted, avoiding eye contact.

Fists balling tightly at her sides, Shanelle fought to control the rage within her. "Jasmine, we promised each other as best friends... We always gon tell the truth."

Signing messily, Jasmine rolled her eyes again, placing her hands on top of her head as she stared upward. "Mom didn't want me to say anything, because she wanted to sit down and talk to you herself... She made me promise not to say nothin to you."

"And you didn't say anything? This whole time, you been in your own stupid world, worrying about yo stupid birthday and clothes and stupid Michael and everything else when you knew the whole time... Girl... You know what...-"

Seeing herself as clear as day pummeling through Jasmine, Shanelle took a deep breath, pointed an accusing finger shakily, and walked off. "You know what? Don't even tell me. I'll go see for myself. "

"That's not a good idea Shanelle!" Jasmine called nervously.

"If you say anything, I'll tell Mr. Johnson how much of a hoe his daughter is with chasing after older boys!" Shanelle screamed in response, livid.

Frightened and hurt by her threat, Jasmine let her go, standing nervously behind.

---

Storming away, Shanelle's controlled walk turned into a jog, that soon evolved into a run. Leaving the sidewalk next to the Johnson's house and crossing the street, Shanelle sprinted all the way to her house. Slowing to a stop, she stared confused seeing three cars lined in the driveway and street. One car belonged to her mother. Jogging to the side of the house, Shanelle peered suspiciously through the windows. There were multiple men and a two women lounged in different places on the carpet and tile, all in zombified positions. They were hunched over, slowly shifting from side to side. She knew they were all high.

Going to the back door, Shanelle opened it. It reeked of smoke, alcohol and toxic fumes. Several spots in the carpet were tattered, from what, Shabelle had no idea. The house she grew up in was a mess... The house her mother paid for. Her home! Tears pricked her eyes. Blinking, she walked around to each bedroom for her mother, searching in empty closets and in the bathroom. two strangers were laid out across the floor in her mother's room unresponsive. Disgusted, Shanelle went into the room she shared with Mila and Honey. Scanning the space, her heart began to hurt remembering the late night runs to the bathroom and failed attempts of potty training. She remembered comforting Mila when the toddler would awaken in the night, terrified of nightmares. What happened to them?

As she stood there reminiscing/panicking, she didn't hear or see James standing in the doorway.

"Wanna know where they at?"

Voice startling her, Shanelle jumped, freezing in her place.

"Matter fact, you wanna know where yo trifling mama at?"

Words angering her, Shanelle's fists balled instinctively. She clenched her jaw shut.

"Them babies in the system na. Ya mama called the police. I told her they'd take them kids, but she wouldn't listen. Ain no telling where they at. Good thing, now ain nobody pissin' up the house."

Shanelle felt as if her heart bad been pierced. Grief overwhelmed her. They're... Gone? Just like that?

"Wh.... What?"

"What you mean to act all surprised? They wouldnt've come if it wasn't for you. All this your fault girl." He approached her, planting a hard finger into her shoulder. Someone down the hall groaned distantly.

Shanelle blinked. Her fault?

"Nah..." She whispered, face numbing. Her voice staled, sounding weak in her own ears.

"What?" He moved within a foot of her.

"Nah" She said more firmly.

James stared at her in disbelief.

"You, James... You the reason this all happened. Not me. You the reason Mila and Honey ain here... You made my mama crazy, and you make everything terrible wherever you go. You smell like hell, and you act like one of them crack heads out there on the street! I hated you from the moment I saw you...." She trembled in fear and rage as she spoke. "And I promise I'll hate you even when you dead."

Clearly shocked, James did something that equally surprised Shanelle. He laughed. Shaking his head, he stared at her with gleaming eyes.

"You think I care how you feel?" His grin died, face settling into a serious expression. Nearly pouncing, James' hand flew around Shanelle's neck. Slamming her back up against the furthest wall, his steel grip tightened.

Petrified, Shanelle's eyes widened, unable to breathe.

"Ain so tough na..... Are you?"

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