top of page

Chapter 1 -(pt 2)

Updated: Mar 7

Mila and Honey were too young to fully understand the situation, but Shanelle knew. Whenever James returned home behaving aggressive, it was evident he'd been getting high. Nowadays, there was hardly a time when he wasn't. It was no secret; He spent all their money, and sold anything they had that could be bought. If he could have sold their mattresses, he would've. Fortunately for Shanelle, they were covered in pee stains, thanks to Mila and Honey.

Never having the bare necessities , the children were often neglected. When he remembered, James bought them food to eat; if he felt like they deserved it. To her shame, Shanelle picked up the habit of stealing to get items that were only absolutely necessary.

Teresa, Shanelle's mother, lost her job and had her medical license suspended a month prior after being caught taking medications that weren't hers. Now, they were completely reliant the mercy of James.

Things hadn't always been this bad...

Shanelle could remember a time when her mom worked regularly and came home full of life. She'd kept up with herself then, her personality was fiery and dominant, and her hair remained pressed and styled. Once upon a time, Teresa's skin shone the color of finely ground cloves... now its appearance was that of dry, pale ash. In those days Shanelle always had what she needed, never knowing what it was like to go hungry. They enjoyed movie nights, girls' days, and went shopping often.

That was until Teresa met James.

Even then, her mother remained strict when it came to dating. She never let another man step foot inside the house, not even Terrence, Shanelle's daddy; her own flesh and blood. Teresa never talked about him much, though whenever she did, it always involved a lesson.

When her mother met James, Shanelle had no idea she'd been dating.

One night, Shanelle stayed awake, waiting for her mom to get off of work when the front door opened. Hiding behind the wall of the hallway, Shanelle quickly retracted when she saw the back of a man's head pop in. Teresa came in stumbling in front of him, clearly drunk. James, though, seemed to be in a clearer state of mind.

"That's good enough James," her mom giggled, clearing her throat. "You go on and go home. I'm safe. "

 

James stepped in, visible in the light. He had a neat, low cut, was clean shaven, and had light- brown skin that was smooth and deeply tanned. He wore a simple gold chain about his neck.


The inside of Shanelle's gut began to squeeze tight with warning. Something about this man sat ill with her.

"Baby I got it. Let me tuck you in tonight..." He ushered her to the lounge chair after closing the door behind them, and eased to a seated position next to her.

"Don't you think it's time for me to spend a night with my woman? We serious now. You are my woman ain't you?" He asked. His voice was deep. It filled the living room and rattled the Shanelle's belly. She noted his acute gaze that would occasionally take in the details of their living room.

"James don't start.. I... I..." Teresa yawned. "I already told you. " She pointed a finger lazily at him. "I know you serious when you buy a ring and sign them papers downtown." Shanelle saw James' body stiffen. Teresa laid her head on his chest, speaking softly. "My mama always said, '"Don't go to hell over a man."' I love you James, but ma was right. I can't give my ticket to heaven away for someone who ain't serious. If you want me, show me... show me you serious."

It was then Shanelle caught James' face. It twisted so grotesquely, she was sure she was looking at a creature. Then, just like that, it was gone, replaced by a charming smile.

Holding Teresa with one arm, he began to glide up her shoulder with the hand that was free. Lightly touching her neck, he caressed her face with his thumb and kissed her.

Stomach lurching, Shanelle stared, unable to peel her eyes away. She just knew her mom would slap him, yell, and demand that he go. Hopeful, disgusted and alarmed, she waited.

Teresa looked up at James, pulling away weakly. "Why you do this to me?" Her eyes pleaded.

"Terry I want you. I been waiting, and I think it's time..." He leaned in for another kiss.

Turning her head, she half smiled.

"You asking me to marry you?" She slurred, blinking.

Closing his eyes briefly, he heaved, clearly frustrated. Standing up, he brushed his hand over his head and groaned.

Frowning, Teresa's eyes followed him as she steadied herself on the arm of the lounge.

"What difference does it make if I marry you or not? If I say I love you, I mean what I say. Why don't you leave it alone? You got me, and that's all that matters." He stated in controlled tones, it doing little to mask his inner turmoil.

" Cus' that's what says you serious to me," Teresa said, back straightening. "If you love me s'much as you say you do, you'd pull out a ring. And if that ain't in your pocket right now, then... Then I suggest you make your way to my front door, and leave!"

There she was, Shanelle thought with pride. That was her Mama.

Stopping his pace, James took a deep breath and looked back at Teresa.

"You right. My mistake Terry. I'll go." Turning, he stopped mid-step. Shanelle waited. Why did he hesitate? She should say something. She should say something now.

Shanelle attempted to speak up, but found the words were stuck in her throat.

"I can take a kiss with me...? Since you puttin' me out and all..." He looked over his shoulder at her mother. She didn't respond, but the expression in her eyes held some message Shanelle couldn't understand.

Turning back, James took the opportunity to sit back down next to her and kiss her lips lingeringly. Fumbling to keep her balance, Teresa pressed a hand into the couch with great effort.

Loss for words, Shanelle stared in disbelief. Mama!

Suddenly she saw James' left hand going into his pocket. Out of sight from Teresa, he pulled out a small needle. Mama!

Voice caught in her throat, Shanelle froze. She couldn't bring herself to let go of the scream that was rising in her. Why couldn't she talk?

Teresa muttered something between kisses.

"I'll take care of you... Only a kiss Terry..." James pressed his body against hers, Teresa clinging to him in response.

Acting quickly, James forced down the hand she clung on to him with, shifted his weight over her so that she couldn't reach with the other, and covered her mouth with his to muffle her scream. Arm straining under his strength, she started to jerk, attempting to free herself. It was useless. Holding her arm in place, he looked through an awkward angle and stuck the needle in.

Feet suddenly finding strength, Shanelle darted to her room, unable to watch any longer. Hiding under her bed, she bit the end of her comforter to block her own scream. Tears flooded her vision. Her mom's muffled screams became a noise quite incoherent. She couldn't understand her. Then, she heard other noises she wished she could un-hear. She didn't come from under her bed for the next two days and neither did she hear from her mother during that period of time. James had left, and Teresa remained in physical and emotional shock, glued to the lounge, rocking back and forth. When Shanelle gathered the courage to come out and see whether or not she'd merely had a nightmare, they locked eyes and her mother dissolved into tears. Running to comfort her, Shanelle was taken back when Teresa snatched away, not wanting to be touched.

Confused and distraught, Shanelle backed away, eyes wide and tormented. She saw how Teresa's body shook... from what though, she didn't know.

Over the next few hours, her mom went through a vicious cycle of picking up her phone as if contemplating using it, throwing it down, and rocking back and forth in tears. She would shake her head disturbed, frowning, then do it all over again. Finally, she stopped and stilled, willing herself to hold the phone up to her ear. Shanelle couldn't hear who was on the other end, though her next words would change the both of their lives forever.

"I need more," she said.

Shanelle was 10 years old then.

 

Unable to see past the tears that blinded her, Shanelle slowed to a stop. She couldn't go into the store the way she was. Someone would know something was terribly wrong.

Only two blocks away, Shanelle dried her eyes, and decided to reroute and go to Jasmine's. It was a last minute decision, but she knew that Jasmine's mom, Mrs. Johnson, may have some leftovers she could take with her to give to the girls. Hopefully that was the case; she hated the thought of having to steal from the Matthew's store again; they were good people.

Luckily, Mrs. Johnson did have leftovers, and a whole lot at that. Jasmine and her little sister Anna hated having to eat the same meal beyond the day it was cooked. Shanelle could eat any meal just as heartily as if it were the first day. Gladly asking for plates to go, she was relieved to know that Mila and Honey would be able to eat.

Food in her belly, and a mind relieved momentarily of stress, Shanelle found herself talking with Jasmine, watching tv and playing card games with the Johnsons, and before she knew it, she fell fast asleep on their cushioned couch.

Mrs. Johnson placed a gentle hand against her forehead, covering her tenderly with a blanket.

When Shanelle woke up, it was morning. She had to walk with Jasmine to school.


 


Its currently 3:15. The school day flew by, and Shanelle was walking that long walk home. In attempts to bypass the knot that consistently expanded in her throat and chest, Shanelle felt trapped. How could she have so foolishly fallen asleep ? What if the girls hadn't eaten because of her carelessness? She was right back where she started. What if James was still there when she got home, and her ma had succeeded in talking the police out of arresting him? She could really use her best friend right now. Jasmine left early to go to a doctor's appointment and Shanelle was all alone. Again, there was no telling what awaited her. Everything seemed so calculated, measured and pushed, almost as if time were pressing Shanelle up to the forefront of her problems. The thoughts in her head were all jumbled.

"It's okay Nelle..." She encouraged herself. "You called the police, they should have James, and everything can be the way it used to. It's okay... Everything is okay."

She longed to be close to her mom again, and told herself it would soon be so.

Deep down inside, she knew that would never be. Pausing beside a power line, Shanelle vomited.

 

Recent Posts

See All
Chapter 4 (pt 3)

Waking up to Buck teething on her shirt, Reagan sat up and looked at her watch. It was almost noon. Timothy would be getting home in a...

 
 
 

Comentarios


Post: Blog_Posts

Thanks for submitting!

Post: Subscribe Form
Post: Blog Post Gallery

Subscribe Form

Thanks for submitting!

©2022 by Izuba. Proudly created with Wix.com

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • LinkedIn
bottom of page